Turning Point
by stormus
Summary: Feeling low, left behind and a disappointment, it came time for Luxiere to hit the turning point. Choosing which direction to take was not going to be easy when reaching his goal would take the confidence he was so sorely lacking.
1. Chapter 1

TWISTING, he ducked away from an angry claw swipe, spinning low to come up behind the beast's elbow and hit a glancing blow. With a roar the blue dragon whirled around, slapping his sword from his hand to spin across the room where it clanged against the rock wall. It drew its head back and sent an icy blast his way.

Luxiere took a breath, and threw himself out of its path, rolling across the rocky ground and up to his feet. He turned to face the dragon, not fast enough as its tail came around to connect with his stomach and send him hurtling into the wall alongside his stricken sword.

He slumped to the ground, folding his arms around himself to clutch his ribs tightly. He was winded, struggling to draw breath enough to fight the pain and stand. There was no time! He heard the dragon thundering towards him, saw it rear up on its hind legs to come down on him jaws first.

Hurting, he reached for his sword, throwing it up over his head to catch the monster's teeth as they snapped close to his head. His blade jammed between its cheeks, tip slicing through one side. It jerked its head away, yanking the weapon from Luxiere's hands, roaring in pain as the sword slipped further and further through its soft flesh.

He tried to move, but hesitated. His sword was out of his reach, flying back and forth above his head. Without it... He could get it back – leap forwards, plant his foot in the bend of the monster's elbow and jump up above its head easily, drawing his sword from it in the process. Flip backwards on the landing and be standing ready when it stopped moving its head. Easy, what his instincts told him to do, but...

He couldn't do that. Too rash.

The dragon shook its head wildly, clawing at it with one foot in an effort to remove the painful object. With one last hard jerk to the left, the sword came loose, flying free from its cheek only for the dragon to snap its head around and catch it as it fell, shattering the blade between its teeth, the remnants flung across the cavern to the far wall opposite.

Luxiere moved, breaking into a sprint to get away from the dragon and into open space. Now it was free it was going to -

He was knocked back, the dragon's claw swiping him from his feet and coming down over his chest to pin him to the floor. Triumphant, it raised its head and gave a booming roar that echoed up among the stalactites in the high ceiling of the cavern. The roar died away to a snarl, deep in its throat. It lowered its head to enjoy its meal.

Luxiere squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away.

Its jaws never reached him. He opened his eyes and looked up to find it frozen, teeth inches from his face. It fizzled, flickering briefly. The cavern around him shattered suddenly, the pieces falling away into squares of digital information and disappearing before they hit the floor. The dragon began to fall away also.

Its claw vanished, Luxiere took a deep breath, filling his air-starved lungs. He felt as though he had been hit by a train. His ribs were surely going to bruise. He screwed his eyes shut once again. That was going to affect training...

"Good effort." Captain Fenrick's voice crackled to him over the microphone from the control room.

Luxiere sat up, drawing his knees up and leaning forward that his hands dangled between his calves. "Not good enough, though. Right?"

"There's still time."

He shook his head. 'There's been plenty of time.'

"Come on out of there and hit the showers. Then report to the med bay and get your injuries checked out. We'll resume training tomorrow morning, presuming there's no real damage."

"Sir."

Aching, Luxiere got to his feet. 'Bombed on that one, huh? Way to go, Lux.'

Stepping out of the training area, he found Captain Fenrick to be waiting for him. Luxiere sighed, and gave a light salute. The Captain merely nodded.

Though he wasn't any older than twenty-seven, the Captain was a man of experience. Being a First Class SOLDIER himself, and taking part in numerous conflicts, he knew what to look for in other SOLDIERs. He was also kindly, and encouraging in his training methods. As a mentor, Luxiere knew that he had done well. Even now the Captain wore an encouraging smile, though he had to be disappointed. Luxiere lowered his eyes to the floor, feeling his arms move to fold around himself despite his wish to remain at least a little professional.

"I messed up." He murmured. "Again."

"It was a tough situation you found yourself in there." Fenrick assured him, though there didn't seem to be as much conviction in his voice as there used to be. "You just need a little more confidence in your abilities, Luxiere."

"Yeah. Maybe."

"That's all it is."

Was that really it? He just needed to be more confident? That was easy to say. It took all kinds to work well as SOLDIER. He did alright, but that was it. Maybe he had the strength, and the body of a SOLDIER, but he didn't have the mind of one. He was nothing special – not like Zack, or Sephiroth, or the others. He did want to make First, that would be his dream, but...

"Get your injuries checked." Fenrick disturbed his troubled thoughts. "I'll see you back here tomorrow. 0900 hours."

Luxiere nodded, and saluted woodenly. He turned and left the room, his tail between his legs.

* * *

"C'mon."

Kunsel stood at the top of the stairs, his hands on his hips, one ginger eyebrow raised in disbelief. Luxiere sped up a little, almost sprinting the last few steps to join his friend. Apologetic, he raised one hand to the back of his head and looked somewhat sheepish.

"Sorry."

"What's that all about?" Kunsel shrugged, taking his phone from the pouch at his belt and absently flicking through it with one hand. "You're faster than me. What's the hold up?"

"No hold up. Just don't like running inside, is all."

"Seriously?"

Luxiere nodded, messy blonde locks bouncing with his head. "Yeah."

"That's it?"

"Yeah."

With a raised eyebrow, Kunsel turned away and started across the SOLDIER floor towards the notice board near the windows. Today was the day. The list of new Firsts would be posted up. He had a good feeling about this one. He had been working overtime, taking any missions the Company could throw at him and completing them with zeal to spare. They had to have taken notice, he'd not given them a chance to ignore him. He flipped his phone closed and tucked it away at his belt. Two hundred new messages, and that was since breakfast time. He'd need a sit down sesh later to go through them all.

As well as giving him a chance to flex his muscles, the extra missions had let him build his network further. The number of other SOLDIER members he counted as friends now was getting out of hand. He'd soon forget who's birthday parties he was at.

Grinning, he threw a glance over his shoulder at Luxiere. His friend was still lagging behind. While he knew Lux to be a total goody goody when they were apart, the whole running indoors thing just didn't wash. "Okay." Kunsel halted, waiting for Luxiere to catch up before falling into step with him, "What's the problem?"

"Problem? There's no problem."

"Lux, your lies are worse than your haircut. What's on your mind?"

Kunsel had him, didn't he? Didn't matter what he said, the guy would see through it like glass. Embarrassed, he folded his arms over his chest and shrugged lightly. "Nothing much. Just messed up in training today."

"Oh yeah. How's that going?" Maybe that was a stupid question, considering what his friend had just said, but Lux was too polite to say anything about it. He just did what he always did and answered the question he assumed had been asked of him:

"Okay, I guess. It's hard to tell."

"Not seen you on many missions lately."

"No." He shook his head. "Captain Fenrick's got me on intensive training. He's... trying to sort out my confidence issues."

Kunsel didn't say anything to that. He didn't want to stick his size nines in that one. Luxiere had always had confidence issues. They had been in the same intake when they made SOLDIER, though they had not met properly until they met as mutual friends of Zack. When they did, they just clicked. Some people did that.

Right from the off it had been clear that Lux didn't hold much self-belief. He tended to put his faith in others, rather than himself. It didn't really help that the guy was a whacking great pacifist, either. Training couldn't fix everything, though it was hardly a wonder that Shinra weren't picking him up for missions. The thought of Lux facing down a band of enemy fighters, standing there and trying to reason with them was simply not funny, purely because it was probable.

His lack of confidence was the reason he had idolised Zack so. Zack was everything Lux wanted to be, and he could draw strength from knowing that it was possible to be like that. Since Zack's disappearance, however, Lux had retreated into his shell, and not been selected for a single mission. He had taken a massive back step. As his mentor, Captain Fenrick had taken it upon himself to fix Luxiere.

Kunsel sighed quietly, and cast a sidelong glance at his friend. The Captain hadn't known exactly how hard a task that was going to be.

Still, Lux's dedication had to count for something. He was a decent enough SOLDIER. It was possible that both of their names would be on the list. There were normally no more than two or three comprising the whole list, but it was possible that they could both be there. That was the ideal scenario.

The lounge area was quiet. That was unusual for promotion day, but then, being in the know always put Kunsel at the scene before most other people. There was however, a familiar face.

Sheridan, the infantryman was there, leaning against the wall looking out over the city below.

Spotting two purple uniforms reflected in the windows, he stood to attention, throwing a brief salute. Any semblance of regard for rank fell away at the sight of the two men descending the steps. "Kunsel. Lux."

"Sheridan. My man." Kunsel clasped hands with him briefly, moving aside for Lux to do the same. "The list up yet."

"Not yet." Sheridan bumped fists with Luxiere, and glanced at the empty noticeboard. "They're late today. Guess they must still be deliberating."

"Difficult decision this time?"

Luxiere shook his hair out of his face, meeting Kunsel's eyes to find a similar expression to his own there. "Maybe there's a good few this time?"

"Doubt it. Numbers are always scant, As much as you want everyone to make it."

"It'd be cool."

"No hurt feelings? I hear you." True, it would be cool if all the candidates considered could get the promotion. Unfortunately things didn't work that way. Only the very best made it. That was why this was such an anxious day. Waiting to find out if you were good enough was a strain. It shredded the nerves.

The two of them always came up to look at the list, though until now Kunsel knew that he had not been ready for consideration himself. His mentor had put his name forward, as Captain Fenrick had done for Lux before Zack vanished. He had hoped to be put out of his misery by now.

"They've never been this late before." Sheridan mused aloud, likely having been thinking of it before his two friends arrived. "Maybe it's something to do with the new Director?"

"New Director?" Kunsel felt a smile tugging at his lips. "Well, got beat to the punch this time, huh?" He faced Sheridan, flicking his hand forward that his finger flipped to point at him, "Come on, spill!"

"Really? I'm surprised you don't know."

"Cut the coy. I want to hear this."

"Not much to tell." Sheridan lifted one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug and fell back to lean against the wall, gazing out over Midgar once again. "SOLDIER's being absorbed into the army proper. You're all gonna fall under Heidegger's Department."

"Public safety Maintenance?" Luxiere wrinkled his nose. "Will that change anything?"

"Nope. Not really. Get this, though. Heidegger's handing the materia research contract over to Scarlet and Weapons Development. That's the word on the grapevine, at least."

"Sheridan!" Kunsel feigned outrage, "Where's this grapevine, and how can I get a hold on it? I haven't heard any of this stuff."

"You have now. How come you haven't started broadcasting it all around Shinra?"

"Good point."

Turning away to grab his phone and begin spreading the message, Kunsel left Luxiere and Sheridan to it.

Luxiere smoothed his shaggy hair away from his forehead with one hand, peering at Sheridan from under it like a frightened sheepdog. "So, the new Director's kind of hands on, if he's already involved in the decision today and the handover hasn't happened yet?"

"The guy keeps a tight grip on control. While I doubt there'll be many changes out in the field, things up here'll be very different."

That sounded ominous. "Different good or different bad?"

"Personally, I'd call it different different."

"That's a cop out."

"More a diplomatic decision."

"Uh... huh?" Luxiere shook his head, trying to clear out the cobwebs and absorb what he had just heard. Things were changing for real, then? No Lazard, no Angeal, Genesis or Sephiroth. No Zack. This was a whole new SOLDIER. He raised one hand to the back of his head and buried it in his hair, twining his fingers around the untamed strands. The question was, where did he fit in with a new SOLDIER? Would he fit in?

Kunsel drew his attention with a whistle. He dropped his hand and looked round at his friend, blinking. The ginger SOLDIER waved him over,

"That's it. I've had enough hanging around waiting. You want to hear it straight from the horse's mouth?"

This meant being naughty, didn't it? Luxiere bit the side of his lip, feeling a smirk coming over him. "Why not?"

* * *

Being classified as good boys was boring. Even without self-confidence, Luxiere knew that. Sure, he was a good boy when he was on his own, but when led astray...?

First it had been the odd disciplinary: A signed form, press ups in the yard, cleaning everything in sight, things like that. Now, it was a resigned sigh, the exasperated shake of a head, maybe even the occasional, weak, 'why?' What did that say about them?

Luxiere grinned quietly to himself, sitting cross-legged on the floor of the elevator as it ascended. Maybe his service record was bland, and not much to write home about, but his behavioural files? He had seen them a couple of times, usually when something new and disparaging was being shoved into them. The first time it had been a slim manilla file, boring and flat. Now? It was kept in a box file to stop all the written warnings from falling out. The pages themselves were a veritable rainbow of colour-coded stickers and tabs, all of them meaning something bad.

His grin grew, a slight, sudden chuckle behind it. He was a bad boy. No amount of shrinking violet behaviour, or lack of confidence in battle could disprove that. He leant forward, resting his knuckles on the carpeted floor in front of his shins.

'28/3 Disciplinary action against Corporal DeLoran, L: Wilful destruction of Company property' – Destroying a plant pot while playing soccer on Floor 49 with Kunsel and Zack, and his helmet. Dented beyond repair. Therefore also destroyed.

'2/4 Disciplinary action against Corporal DeLoran, L: Disruptive activities resulting in suspension of Company services.' - Sliding on the newly waxed and polished floors, into the elevator and jamming a sword in the doors, effectively breaking it and causing problems for people below.

'7/4 Disciplinary action against Corporal DeLoran, L: introduction of unwelcome element onto Company property resulting in call out of maintenance crew, use of dry cleaning services and expense to the Company. Director's comments: Why? Really, why?!': Putting a bucket of water above the door of the men's bathroom, just to see what would happen. Lazard getting very wet, apparently.

Luxiere swallowed his smile. The Director had taken it in good faith. 'No harm done. It was just a prank after all. Though, I would ask that you didn't do it inside next time, and that it be directed away from me if, you please.'

That he had said 'next time' was telling. Lazard was an okay guy, and seemed to get that naughtiness was going to happen when you stuck a bunch of guys together in repeating battle situations. You had to blow off steam somehow, and as the Director had said himself, at least their chosen method was harmless.

He looked up at Kunsel. His friend leant against the rail at the back of the elevator, nodding his head in time to the music on his headphones. It wasn't down to him alone, being a bad boy. Kunsel and Zack had been the ones leading him into it. They had turned him from the path of good behaviour, and he had gone willingly. They had always been involved in the pranks. Long may he continue on that path.

There were a few SOLDIERs with bad boy records, but none of them boasted the thing his did. He almost laughed out loud. His claim to fame – the only one so far, but a good one considering its unique nature:

'7/8 Disciplinary action against Corporal DeLoran, L: Destruction of Company property resulting in major repairs and expense incurred by works. Further expense incurred by call out of maintenance crew. Commission of offence while serving punishment detail. Punishment authorised: Tier two punishment, commencing immediately. Duration: One day.' - Suggesting that he and his comrades use their brooms for playing hockey instead of sweeping the parade square, resulting in an awesome and forceful goal by himself of a steel bucket at breakneck speed through a downstairs window. Not just any window, but one of the massive plate glass ones fitted to the main building. The noise, and the way it shattered, the whole thing had been beautiful in its own way, even if he had nearly vomited all over the place in scared response. It wasn't what he had done that was unprecedented.

Committing another offence while already completing punishment duties for one was unheard of. Until then it had never been done, nor since.

They wouldn't throw him out for that. SOLDIERs had done worse, and it had been an accident, even if he was misbehaving when it happened. He had received Tier Two punishment for it, however. Lazard had left it up to Sephiroth to decide the disciplinary action, and he had done so with maybe a hint of an amused smirk. Tier Two translated as short term imprisonment. One day in the brig.

Neither Zack nor Kunsel had ever been locked up for misbehaving. To his credit, he had taken it very well, despite being terrified of what it would look like on his record. He had even managed a mock salute as the General shut the door of his cell. That had won him a slow head shake, and what sounded like a breathy laugh as the electronic locks slid into place. The only time he had interacted with Sephiroth, and he liked to think that maybe he had left an impression. Even if it was as a cheeky bastard.

Zack had been protesting his punishment up until he was locked up, and by the sound of it all the way down the corridor on the return trip from the cell at the General's heels. Oh yeah, it had been a fun day..

How the three of them hadn't driven Lazard completely bonkers, he didn't know.

His smile fell away. He became downcast. The three of them. Zack was gone, disappeared up in Nibelheim along with the General and his friend from the infantry, Cloud. Under strange circumstances to say the least. Kunsel was investigating, of course. He was too, but without the extensive network his friend had at his disposal. Very little was known among his own friends about the incident, and it didn't look like much was going to be known.

Without Zack, their three was down to two. They had both decided to continue the campaign of mischief in their missing friend's honour. It seemed only right, to go on in the manner they had begun.

What they were doing now, for instance. If they were found out it would be immediate Tier Two. This was ultra naughty. Maybe that was what made it so much fun?

* * *

The elevator halted on Floor 66. For a moment after the doors pinged open, it seemed as though nobody was going to step out. A wisp of ginger hair, and a mess of blonde appeared very cautiously around the edge of the doors, followed by a single glowing blue eye apiece.

Nobody was around. The two SOLDIERs stepped out of the elevator and crept along the corridor, skirting against the wall to peer around the corners. Eventually they made it around the back of the boardroom, dodging the security cameras with all due diligence. To be fair, it was unlikely that they would be seen, even if they were to stroll along the corridors all casual-like. Gus, the guard most often assigned to the security bay, said to have square eyes, was likely asleep. He usually was. They should bake him a cake, to say thanks for all the mischief his neglectful attitude had allowed.

They made it to the door of the women's bathroom and flattened themselves against the wall outside. Hesitant, Kunsel knocked on the door. No answer from within. He ducked inside, followed closely by Luxiere.

This part was always uncomfortable. To be caught in the ladies' bathroom... Neither of them had been present when that little incident had occurred. Though they had heard about it, how he had been chased out with his arms defensively over his head, trailed by flying rolls of toilet paper. Straight out the door, right into the General.

Sephiroth had just shaken his head, looked down at Zack collapsed on the floor, looking back at him and just stated flatly, 'Don't want to know.'

That was a good thing, or this little gem may have been detected.

Kunsel opened the door of the middle stall and climbed up onto the toilet bowl. He took out his pen knife and loosened the two screws he knew were present actually holding the grate in place, and shoved it up and to one side with a quiet scrape.

Luxiere gave him a boost up into the vent, and climbed up onto the toilet to take his friend's hand and climb in after him.

It was looking a lot cleaner than usual. The maintenance teams must have actually been doing something with their time, other than cleaning up after pranksters. The exterminators had been through also, though neither team through the vent in the bathroom if it was still accessible they way it had been left.

"Bugs are gone." Kunsel whispered back to his comrade, crawling slowly along the smooth steel. Up until recently there had been a colony of small beetles living in the vents. They had a habit of falling on the board table while there was someone in the vent. Perhaps that was why they were gone? Because they had fallen down one too many times?

Luxiere felt a little sorry for them, but didn't dwell on it too long. Kunsel had halted up ahead. As silently as he could manage, Luxiere squeezed alongside him and flattened himself out on the vent floor to gaze down through the vent at the meeting going on below.

There wasn't a massive presence in the room. Just a small gathering to discuss the candidates put forward for promotion. It consisted of Heidegger, Director of Public Safety maintenance - soon to be boss, if Sheridan was to be believed and the guy's info, in the rare instances he got wind of it before Kunsel, was usually solid – Captain Fenrick, Second Lieutenant Kyle, Kunsel's mentor, Sargent Peacock, and Hojo, Director of the Science Department.

Luxiere rested his chin on his arms. If Peacock was there, then Dorian Felix was up for promotion too. It was just the three of them, then? Discussions below looked... strained?

Heidegger scanned the list in front of him. Just three names. He shook his head. That wasn't promising. SOLDIER was only producing a few First Classes with each promotion wave? That wasn't effective. No wonder the Department had suffered a mass desertion. There was no chance of progressing in the venture, that wouldn't do at all. SOLDIER had far too few Firsts. He would ensure that changed once he took over. He cleared his throat rather loudly, "So, these three candidates are the ones for promotion? What makes them stand out so much over the others?"

Peacock spoke first, a grin on his face. He was an interesting man, dedicated to his work, but with a sarcastic streak a mile wide. Sitting there at the table, elbow propped on its surface, resting his forehead against one finger, he definitely thought himself cock of the walk. He almost scoffed at the question,

"Dorian has everything it takes in spades. You point him at the enemy and he trashes them just the way you want. The boy's skills as a leader are second to none, and you want someone to work alone? He's your man. He's a one man demolition squad when you need it."

Heidegger seemed pleased with that, nodding his head readily. "I have heard that he enjoys his missions."

"You could say it like that."

"I'm convinced."

Kyle and Fenrick said nothing. They merely glanced at one another. Felix was very similar to his mentor in temperament and fighting style. That was probably why Peacock liked him so much. He did need to come down a peg or two...

"What about... Matthews?" Heidegger, frowned at the name, having heard it somewhere, but he could not place where.

Kyle nodded once, a lot more subdued in his answer than Peacock, but with no less confidence in his candidate. "Kunsel's exceptional for his class. He's a strong fighter, and I have no issue trusting him in charge of a mission. He's also the best intelligence agent I have ever known. Some of the information he picks up, he has on occasion made the Turks look amateur."

Hojo snorted at that. "Be careful what you say. You never know who's listening."

Up in the vent, Kunsel and Luxiere glanced at one another and grinned.

"Anyway," Kyle went on, "Kunsel's ready for this. He has been for a long time. He's earned it. He's put in the work and proven himself more than capable. You have his file, you know what I think of him."

"Your report is glowing to say the least."

Kunsel felt himself smiling. This was it, then? SOLDIER First Class Kunsel on the cards for sure? Heidegger was flicking through the report, nodding. His acquiescence was all that Kyle needed, Kunsel's friend and mentor nodding also, a demure smile on his face.

He felt Luxiere's hand on his shoulder, looking round to find his friend nodding also, a proud smile on his face.

"Congrats, man."

"Thanks."

Heidegger's voice drew them back to the discussion below. "DeLoran?"

"Hm." Captain Fenrick, folded his arms over his chest, his eyes fixed on the board table in front of him. He looked conflicted. "I don't know what to say."

Heidegger shot him a look of surprise, his bushy brows drawn together, "Pardon?"

The Captain was quiet, staring almost into space. Heidegger was taken aback. Was the man not going to fight for his candidate and sing his praises the way the other two had?

Up in the vent, Luxiere felt his stomach clench.

Fenrick shook his head slowly. "Luxiere... he's taken something of a back step in training recently. The promise he began to show has all but vanished. He's having trouble handling even low level enemies. In training today he was bested by an enemy attuned for a new starting Third. I believe that it may have been a mistake to put him forward for promotion."

"You're serious, aren't you, Captain?"

"Deadly, I'm afraid, Director. Luxiere is a capable SOLDIER, but not even up to standard as a Second at present. Promoting him to First is impossible to consider. His confidence issues affect his ability too much."

Heidegger looked stunned to say the least. Lazard had not recorded anything like this in his notes regarding previous promotion discussions. "What about the others? Wouldn't they take orders from him if he was promoted?"

Fenrick sighed. "He is well-liked. The boys would do as he says quite happily. I just don't think that he would feel comfortable giving orders."

Beside Heidegger, Hojo was leafing through a copy of Luxiere's record. "Correct me if I'm wrong, Captain," He addressed Fenrick, "but Corporal DeLoran has recorded a possible aptitude towards Exponential Energy Projection, has he not?"

"I believe so, though I have never seen it."

"I see." Hojo laid Luxiere's file on the table in front of him and laced his fingers atop it. "That is unfortunate."

"I agree."

"The last side affect of the SOLDIER process to create this level of excitement in my labs was the Digital Mind Wave ability detected in Lieutenant Fair."

"DMW hasn't been detected in any of the others."

"Neither has EEP."

Again, Captain Fenrick shook his head. "I don't think he even knows how to use it. He has never even shown any inclination towards doing so, despite the process being explained to him several times."

"Be fair to the boy." Hojo told him, perhaps a tone of sympathy to his voice? "It is all theoretical, after all. For all we know the process explained to him may not even work."

"Yes." Fenrick looked uncomfortable, as though his teaching methods were in question. "That could be so, but I reiterate that for now I don't feel comfortable considering Luxiere for promotion."

"That is a shame."

Luxiere lowered his eyes to his arms, resting on the floor in front of him. The Captain was really doing this to him? He had thought...

Kunsel's hand on his shoulder was no comfort. He had thought that the Captain was his friend. For him to turn around and stab him in the back like that -

That's not what was happening, though, was it? Fenrick _was_ his friend. He was looking out for him by withdrawing him from consideration like that. The man was looking at this with clear judgement. Promoting someone who was not ready would only go and get them killed, or someone else. That would be worse, to have someone die because he couldn't handle things the way a First should.

This wasn't the Captain's fault. Luxiere shook his head, swallowing the lump in his throat. This was down to him. He couldn't make the cut, and worse, he wasn't even able to operate at the level he was meant to _now_. Captain Fenrick was doing him, and everyone he would potentially be partnered with, mentoring or in command of, a favour.

Kunsel squeezed his shoulder. "I'm sorry, pal."

He had nothing to be sorry about. The only person who did was himself. He had held himself back and promotion to First would only mean that he held everyone else of his Class back.

"Is it likely that he will be up to par before the next selection wave?" Hojo asked below.

Fenrick shook his head. "Not the way he is going now, no."

Peacock spoke up then, making Luxiere feel even lower in himself. "What's the problem, Fen? He not cut out for it at all?"

Fenrick shook his head quickly. "That's not it. He has the capability. It's the confidence. It impedes him from making the right decisions. He's second-guessing himself all the time. That monster he faced today, he could see what to do, but lacked the self-belief to do it. That's what I'm seeing in him with every session."

"What're you going to do about it?" Kyle asked from his left. "Give up on him?"

"That's not what I'm saying at all." Fenrick brushed a hand back through his hair. "He has potential, and I believe that I can bring it out in him. It may take some time, but I think it can be done."

So, Captain Fenrick was going to keep on with what he knew would be a long haul, maybe even a failed effort? Luxiere dropped his head to rest his forehead on his folded arms. He couldn't do that to his friend. That was unfair. He wouldn't let him do it.

"You say it's confidence." Hojo piped up, leafing through another file, this one thick and filled with brightly-coloured tags and stickers, the whole thing lifted from a box file to sit on the table. There was another similar box file near Kyle...

"It is confidence-"

"But this is not the file of a SOLDIER lacking confidence." Hojo cut Fenrick off.

"That is all disciplinary action-"

"I am aware of that... Very interesting. I haven't seen a file this terrible since Genesis. The same goes for your candidate." He nodded to Kyle's box file. "Very interesting indeed. The psychology of your candidate, Captain is unusual, I must say."

"What do you mean?"

"Is it not obvious?" Hojo scoffed, closing the file with a hefty slam. "He lacks self-belief enough to have you convinced into withdrawing his candidacy, yet some of his behaviour recorded in this file says otherwise. He lacks the confidence to even defend himself on the battlefield, yet is able to cheek the General, and get away with it? The boy has confidence enough, Captain. Though it appears to be misplaced."

"It's true that when he is with Kunsel he is quite the handful." Fenrick rested his head in his hand and massaged at his temple a moment, before sighing and going on, "Yet alone he is a completely different person. Any faith in his abilities simply disappears."

Heidegger drummed his fingers on the tabletop, the sound loud enough to cut him a path back into the conversation. "Enough psycho babble and science. You are really set on withdrawing your candidate, Captain?"

"Sir." Fenrick answered, a certainty to his tone.

"I see." The Director huffed. "It is just Felix and Matthews, then."

Peacock and Kyle appeared pleased with that. Fenrick was silent on the matter, leaning forward and clasping his hands together out in front of him on the board table.

Hojo placed Luxiere's record back in the box file and shoved it that the whole thing slid a way across the table towards the Captain. "It is a shame." He murmured, moving to stand. "It would have been very interesting to see the boost in EEP following repeated use. Not yet, it would seem."

"Sir."

Kunsel and Luxiere began to crawl backwards, making their way towards the grate and freedom.

* * *

They walked in silence back to the elevator, only taking a little care to hide their presence from the cameras. Once inside, with the doors safely closed and the whole thing on a downwards heading, Kunsel got up the courage to speak.

"I'm sorry, Lux."

Luxiere stared at the floor, feeling his shoulders shaking. He raised his head to look at his friend and managed a smile. "It's okay. Hey, congrats again to you."

"Yeah." Kunsel forced a smile. "Now to get back to 49 and look surprised when Kyle tells me."

Luxiere didn't say anything to that. Just remained standing in the centre of the elevator, his arms hanging limp by his sides.

The sight of him made Kunsel uncomfortable. They never should have listened in. Lux would have seen from the list that he hadn't made it, and Captain Fenrick would have told him the reasons without them laid bare and picked apart without thought the way that they had been. That had been harsh. Just like it was harsh to see Lux so clearly upset. "You got plans for the rest of today?"

It was such an inane thing to ask, but what else could he say? This subject was going to be sore, and talking about his own promotion, as much as he burned to, would be unfair.

Luxiere looked up at him again, a brighter smile on his face this time. "Nope. Not going to miss your big moment."

Kunsel hesitated, but couldn't help his grin. "Good. Wouldn't be the same without you there, man." He clapped his friend on the shoulder, holding it a moment and shaking it. "Still gonna cause trouble, aren't we?"

"Try and stop me."

"There's always next time."

He shouldn't have said it. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew that it had been a mistake. Luxiere's expression turned down, and away.

"Could be."

Damn. "So." Kunsel smiled, punching him lightly in the same shoulder. "You fancy putting in a call to the place down the street and ordering five hundred Wutaiese meals to Heidegger's office? You know, to say hello and welcome to the new Director?"

Luxiere swung away from his friend and folded his arms over his chest. "You know what? I'm good right now. Don't really feel like messing stuff up today."

"Okay. That's cool."

"Might just go for a walk."

"Sounds like a good idea. You want me to come with?"

"Actually... I'm good."


	2. Chapter 2

The list was up, both names stark against the white sheet of paper pinned to the noticeboard. Had he not known what they were already, it would have been difficult getting to the board to look. Everyone had turned up to eyeball, the way they always did. Luxiere stood at the head of the steps, his arms folded over his chest. They all wanted to know who their new commanders were, and that was reasonable enough.

There were a few loud huffs and outright 'Awww!'s at Dorian's name, but that was to be expected. Not everyone got on with the cocksure SOLDIER.

Not interested in joining the others at the board, Luxiere folded to sit on the edge of the empty planter and lean forward to clasp his hands between his knees.

He hadn't been back to his dorm since stepping off the elevator. He had just started walking, out the main entrance of the building and into Sector Eight. He just kept on going, not really thinking about where he was heading until he had found himself standing on the Sector five station platform, on the other side of a train journey.

Maybe he had wanted somewhere quiet to go and get some head space. The warehouse district seemed like the best place, and by far the quietest area in the city. Nobody from outside the Company had any business around Shinra-owned warehouses, so the place was always more or less empty aside from the odd security guard or worker on a smoke break. It had been easy to find a quiet place to sit, on a pile of abandoned crates, with no one around to keep him from his thoughts, only an old fork lift truck off to one side with less personality than himself. It had been easy to get lost in introspection. He'd had a good few hours to wander those private fields, and he didn't like what he found.

Captain Fenrick was right. He wasn't First material. The way he was right now, he wasn't even Second material. He had never been a leader always a follower. Ever since he was a child he had been one of the gang, playing the games the more assertive children wanted to play. He had never suggested anything that he had wanted to do, because he hadn't wanted to risk confrontation.

That had of course led to the inevitable question: 'Why the hell did you join SOLDIER, then?'

The answer to that was simple: Because he would be given orders. Following would be natural in that career. Only, he enjoyed being a SOLDIER. As time had gone on, and he had worked his way up to Second from Third, he had found himself actively wanting to progress further. He wanted that promotion to First. He wanted a chance to be a leader like the people he looked up to. Somewhere along the way he had gotten mixed up; forgotten that he was a follower, not a leader, and was having ideas above his station. He should have remained clearer, and stayed true to himself.

He allowed his shoulders to slump, his head falling forward on his neck and disappearing among his shaggy locks of unkempt hair. Never leading, always following. Ideas that were never good enough. Fear of conflict. People would ignore him, laugh at him.

He should do what he did best and sit quiet, follow orders and just not open his mouth in case he said something stupid. Nobody would listen to his ideas.

He didn't have ideas himself.

There was a commotion behind him. He raised his head, hearing the hiss of the briefing room doors open. The others were forming ranks, getting into position. He stood, and turned to watch the doors.

Dorian and Kunsel emerged, Looking pretty dandy in their First Class uniforms. The ranks of Second and Third Classes saluted, clicking their heels together.

"Sir!"

Luxiere raised his own hand in salute, nodding to his friend as Kunsel looked his way. Despite his own dismay at failing to make the grade, he felt genuinely happy for his friend. He wanted Kunsel to know that.

Dorian set the men at ease, making it possible for Kunsel to breathe again briefly before he was surrounded by people he knew wanted to speak to him. Heidegger, Kyle and Peacock had briefed himself and Dorian on their new roles and responsibilities, and now, personally he wanted a large slice of pizza and a big ol' mug of strong coffee. He had to be social for a little while, though, for the sake of his network if nothing else. This was a big moment, and running off in the middle of it wouldn't look good. Once he was done here, though, he'd grab Lux and...

He looked around, the space at the top of the steps his friend had occupied empty. 'Lux?'

He was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

A swipe of his key card and the door opened. Luxiere wandered through, already unbuckling his harness before he reached his bunk bed, and threw it down on the floor, pauldrons and all to collapse face first on the soft mattress and close his eyes.

It was unlike him to be depressed. He could usually find a smile. Not today, though. Not after having all of his failings laid bare on the table in front of him like that.

Sighing, he lifted his head and folded his arms on the pillow beneath his chin. Everything that had been said had been right. He hadn't wanted to face it, but he really was holding himself back.

If Zack was there, he'd encourage him to believe in himself, say that he should embrace his dreams. Zack wasn't there, though, was he? That was part of all this. Without Zack his confidence had crumbled further and he had fallen behind.

Irritated with himself, Luxiere pushed off his pillow and threw himself to sit. He drew his knees up to his chest and circled his arms around them to hug them. It wasn't like he hadn't been given all the tools he needed to succeed. He had the same enhancements as the others, he was strong enough to hold his own. He was faster than Kunsel, and knew well enough how to handle a sword. His athletic ability, agility and flexibility were all fine. Yet he couldn't bring himself to use what he had. Not since Zack vanished. Even when his friend was still around he had been at the start of a long learning curve into using his abilities properly.

He cast a glance across the room, at the weapon leaning against the wall beside the door. It was a thing of beauty; a sword made in Mideel by master craftsmen. It was heavy, the blade shaped from pure crystal, polished to a high shine, but he would be able to lift it easily. Blue gems decorated the plate gold guard, the hilt wrapped in light blue linen and silk ribbon. It was his, made specially for him at the request of his parents, that he would use it when he made First.

Luxiere shook his head, tearing his eyes away from it. He had never so much as swung it. Zack had tried to get him to do so, just to 'see how it feels'. He'd held it, but not swung it. Something about doing so didn't feel right. Not yet. For now it was a decoration, and not a tool. Though it did have a name. Adrianna.

Zack had asked him what its name was, had said that it should have a name because it was something so personal to him, and would be his partner when he went into battle. So he had named it after his mother, someone who made him feel safe. Zack refused to tell him what his old SOLDIER sword had been called. Apparently it was too embarrassing. Like naming a sword after your mother wasn't?

There was another reason he had never tried to use Adrianna. She was made of crystal, because of what he had told his parents in his first letter home after being accepted into SOLDIER and undergoing the preliminary enhancement process. He had the potential for something known as Exponential Energy Projection. Hojo had been talking about it in the meeting, and sounded kind of excited by it. The SOLDIER process did strange things to people. Everyone had their own little quirks if they needed them – instances of people lifting cars when loved ones were trapped underneath them, and similar feats - but the process could enhance the capability for these quirks ten fold. According to the people who discovered his personal peculiarity, a crystal weapon may be able to take on some of his ability in battle by trapping energy.

That thought made him uncomfortable. The process of EEP had been explained to him, as had the path to using it, but... the idea of being able to do something like that was frightening. It sounded like something one of the exceptional SOLDIERs should have. Not him.

Swallowing, he slid off his bunk and crossed the room to where Adrianna rested, and reached out a hand to touch the gem set into the top of her pommel. He felt inadequate, owning such a beautiful sword and not feeling worthy to wield it. He wasn't good enough to swing her, that was why he hadn't when Zack told him to. She was a present he shouldn't open yet.

His hand fell back this his side. Looking at her was hard. He was a disgrace, and shouldn't own something so beautiful if he couldn't use it. As lovely as she was to look at, Adrianna was a tool and should be used. Not using her was a travesty.

Angry with himself, he turned away from his sword and wandered over to lean against his chest of drawers. He felt like a failure. Back home his parents were waiting for him to make something of himself, and what had he done but coast his way through these past years of training? Kunsel was right. He hadn't seen many missions lately, and that didn't sound like it was going to change any time soon. There was nobody to blame for that but himself. More than that, he was holding Captain Fenrick back with his problems. That his mentor was still determined to help him was difficult in itself. Why couldn't he have just suggested kicking him out, instead of insisting that he carry on? That would have been easier all round. The man seemed to see something in him that he just couldn't. The same way Zack saw something in him. Why did people keep seeing things that just weren't there? He was a grunt, and that was it. No potential to be anything else, or he would have achieved something by now. Not spent years second guessing everything his heart told him to do.

Fenrick was right. He did know what to do when faced with a battle situation, but he never followed what he knew in case it was wrong, or too much of a risk. No wonder he was holding himself back.

Everyone he knew had tried to bring out the best in him, and failed. The only people to have even come close were Zack and Kunsel. It was like Hojo had said, he did have confidence, just in the wrong place. His two closest friends knew the real him; the guy who went along with their stupid ideas and had stupid ideas of his own. The guy who had done a day in the brig for breaking a massive window while already on punishment detail for having a truckload of sand dumped on the parade square. That person knew what he was doing, was the one who earned himself friendships that would last a long, long time. If only he could marry his personality with the guy he became on the battlefield, the two people might actually make one half-decent SOLDIER.

He turned to his drawers and braced himself against the sides, staring down hard at his selection of grooming products tossed messily on the top. He wrinkled his nose. That wasn't right. He had come to the conclusion earlier on that he didn't have ideas, because other people would think that they were stupid. Yet, in the situations with the window, and the sand truck, and various other misbehaviours, he had been the one in charge. He had been the one leading Kunsel and Zack along in those instances, and they had followed him quite readily. They hadn't thought that his ideas were stupid. In fact, they had seemed to love them, and always fell about in fits of laughter whenever he suggested something.

He started, drawing his head back at the memories. Whenever he had started speaking, clearly about to come out with an idea, they had both sat there, listening with bated breath for what he had to suggest. Why had he not noticed that before?

'They wanted to hear my ideas, and it was me in charge when we attacked.'

He had been the leader on occasion, and deep down, though he hadn't consciously been thinking of it that way, he had loved it. That was the real him, the guy who had a wicked sense of humour, and a burning ambition to get where he wanted. He tried to hold back a smile, turning it into something more of a grimace. The same guy who had declared to Zack that he would be king of SOLDIER one day, even if he had later broken down in a snorting, giggling heap that he had actually told someone that. Even now a quiet snort escaped him at the idea.

It was weird, but he had always been the guy he became around his friends. Even when he was a kid blindly following the others for fear of ridicule, he had been that guy on the inside. The one who was secretly proud of his behavioural record, so full of stickers and tabs and dividers denoting the level and outrageousness of his offences that it was falling apart and had to be locked away in a box to keep it all together – files so terrible that their only rival was Genesis'. That had been a proud moment earlier, among a dearth of difficult ones.

- 'Lux, I heard that your file is so full that it takes at least a Third to lift it. That true?'

- 'They say that it takes up an entire section of the archive to itself.'

- 'I heard that if you look at it, you go insane and become a criminal overlord.'

- 'Oh yeah? Well I heard that it comes alive at night and roams the halls breaking stuff.'

Those were people he didn't even know. How could he truly be a faceless nobody, if people knew who he was when he didn't even know them? What's more, they knew him for him, rather than as an average no one.

He frowned, uncertain. How had that happened? SOLDIER marched on gossip, but...

He was still under performing in training. Though, why, if he had all this confidence hiding away inside of him?

'Embrace your dreams.' Zack had told him that. Many times. He understood what his friend meant by that. Unfortunately, his dreams were too hard to attain.

He sighed, raising his head to look at himself in the mirror. What was he, really? That pale face with the sharp cheekbones. Those sad blue eyes that glowed with unused Mako energy, and that hair. That hair! What the hell was that?! He looked as though he had been dragged through a hedge backwards then flung back through forwards just to be dragged through backwards again. It had a beginning, but no real end, just stopping here and there where it felt like it. No wonder Kunsel always was always tossing jibes about it. People thought he didn't even bother brushing it. Why the hell should they, the way it looked even when he'd finished? Constant bed head. It looked rubbish.

He didn't look like a SOLDIER at all. He looked like a mess somebody had forgotten to clean up. Angry, he ran a hand back through his mop and slammed his fist down on the top of the drawers. He snatched his brush and raked it through, taming the mess back into something respectable only for it to flop forward again and look just as bad as before.

Clenching his teeth, Luxiere glanced across the room, spying something on his room mate's chest of drawers. He marched across and grabbed it, unscrewing the lid and dipping his fingers in. When he was done, he looked... different. Better. Pomade had killed the resistance, and made him look different. It still wasn't good enough. Not for him.

He had to be different to what he had been. He had to stop being a mess.

Zack had told him to embrace his dreams. Really, when he thought about it, he didn't know what his dreams were. He had thought that making First, and being somebody was what he wanted, but now that things had been put into perspective, that seemed sort of unimportant. Why did he need to be somebody? Zack's dream was to be a hero. Kunsel's was to know everything. His own? 'Why do I want to be somebody? What does that even mean?' It was such a broad term. It could mean anything. Until he knew for sure, how was he supposed to embrace his dreams?

He fell back against his room mate's drawers in thought. Zack had said dreams, not dream. He was allowed more than one. Maybe he wasn't sure what his big dream was yet, but his little dreams? He had lots of little dreams.

Straightening, he made his way back to his own chest of drawers and began going through his sock drawer. Buried in among the unballed socks, he uncovered two lightly glowing materia orbs. His room mate thought it was kind of weird that he kept his materia in his socks, but you had to keep it somewhere. One of his dreams was to prove himself. Before he could prove himself to anyone else, he had to prove himself to himself.

It was no fun, hating the person you were sometimes. He preferred to be who he really was. The kind of guy who would have a tonne and a half of sand dumped on a parade square for the hell of it, and who would clamber around in air vents with his friends because he could. The kind of guy who wouldn't let his mentor waste his own life trying to fix his. He clinked the orbs together, and held them possessively to his chest. He didn't want that. What kind of jerk would it make him to let that happen? One thing he did know, neither of his personalities were jerks.

* * *

"Hey! Have you seen Lux anywhere?"

Gellar, a Third Class SOLDIER shook his head at Kunsel's question, "Sorry, man" before continuing on his way across the parade square.

Kunsel halted, and folded his arms over his chest. This was unusual. He hadn't seen Luxiere since his and Dorian's moment on Floor 49 yesterday. Usually it was easy to find Luxiere, he would always answer his phone, but all of the indications Kunsel got from trying to call him were that it was turned off. His pager wasn't yielding any result, and looking for him with his own eyes wasn't working either. This was unprecedented.

Running a hand back through his hair, he started off towards Sector 0 and the Shinra Building's main entrance.

The girls at the desk hadn't seen any blonde SOLDIERs go by that morning, and the guy at the gift shop hadn't heard anything surrounding Luxiere. Considering that guy was well-connected too, this was becoming more and more worrying. Exiting the shop, Kunsel made his way back to the staircase and halted beside the banister. Absently, he began drumming his fingers on it. Among the hurrying people below he spotted one of the guys from the materia research lab heading for the stairs, towards him. He raised his hand in greeting and called out to him. Phipps, he was called. "Hey!"

Phipps looked up, smiling to see Kunsel standing at the head of the stairs. "Hi, Kunsel. Congratulations on yesterday."

"Thanks." He didn't want to talk about that just then. Luxiere's unusual absence was the pressing matter as far as he was concerned. "Hey, you haven't seen Lux around today?"

"Today?" Phipps shook his head. "No. He popped into the lab for a few minutes yesterday, though."

Kunsel frowned. Why would Lux want some materia fusing? "What did he want?"

"He brought us a couple of materia he wanted fusing into a Blizzaga blade."

Ice was Lux's element... why did he want a materia like that? "You know why?"

Phipps shook his head. "Notta clue. I thought maybe he was outward bound or something."

"No. He's got no missions coming up."

"I really don't know then."

"Me neither." In his pocket, his phone began to vibrate. He took it out and glanced at the display, but put it away when he saw that it was not Luxiere calling. Watching Phipps go on his way, Kunsel rested his fists on his hips. "The hell is he?"

"Kunsel!"

Sheridan was running up the stairs towards him, the visible areas of his cheeks flushed under his helmet. "You heard the news?!"

No. "News? What news?"

"There's something going on up on 49! Some SOLDIER's gone crazy and locked himself in the training room!"

The hell? "What?"

"Some Second. There's a crazy battle going on in there. Sounds awesome!"

"You sure about this?" A thought did flit briefly across his mind, but he brushed it aside. It was dumb to even consider. He'd never be that rash. "You're heading there now?"

"Absolutely! Not missing this one for the world. You coming with?"

Kunsel nodded, and joined him on a dash for the elevator. Maybe Lux would be up there too? It was unlike him to miss eyeball on the crazy stuff.

The doors slid open on Floor 49. Kunsel and Sheridan stepped out to a scene of utter chaos. Everyone had heard about this shenanigan apparently, and had rushed up here only to pack the place out back from the training room. The door ahead was open, but only because the sensors wouldn't close with people standing in it. There was a hell of a sound coming from within: clashes of steel, the roars of what had to be a massive beast, and flashes of light from flying spells.

Intrigued, Kunsel started forcing his way forward, shoving people aside. "First coming through. Move it!"

Sheridan followed in the wake he created, his manner rather nonchalant, arms folded over his chest as if to say 'Personal friend following. Step aside.'

As he went, Kunsel kept a lookout for Luxiere, unable to spot him in the sea of blue and purple uniforms. The hell was he at? He'd never miss something like this and normally would have been on the phone the second the news reached him. He heard voices around him as he moved through the crowd, none of them particularly helpful to either of his questions,

"Who is it?"

"Dunno. Nobody's sure I don't think."

"Who the hell is crazy enough to do something like this?"

"Fuck knows. They're gonna catch hell when they're done in there."

"I hear that. A Second in an unsanctioned training session."

"Infringing on Firsts' privileges. Serious trouble."

They were going to be in real hot water for this stunt. Only Firsts were allowed unsupervised training sessions in the room, and even then they were logged. This was naughty.

He made it to the door, and shoved his way inside, and over to the control panel. Two of the techs stood there, apparently having given up on trying to shut down the programme. Kunsel addressed them hurriedly, aware that in his new role it wasn't up to him to just stand there and let this continue. "What's going on?"

One of the men looked up at him and gave a deep shrug. "It's hard to know for sure. We got here this morning and found the room in use. The training area itself is locked down and we're locked out. We can't get into the controls for it and stop the system."

"Why not? You're the techs, aren't ya?"

The second man mimicked the first. "Yes, but he's apparently gotten hold of a First's access codes. The system's set to 'do not disturb' mode. We can't get in."

"Who's in there?"

"We're not sure, but according to the system, SOLDIER First Class Zack Fair."

Kunsel's stomach clenched. There was no way that could be so. He threw a glance at Sheridan, who saluted under the force of it,

"Sir!"

Kunsel nodded towards the door. "Go find Second Lieutenant Kyle. He's got clearance to get into the system and shut it down."

"Sir!" Sheridan was gone, pushing his way back through the crowd for the exit.

For now... Kunsel turned to the observation window, able to see the battle going on, but nothing really beyond the shape of the behemoth leaping and plunging around the street scape on the other side.

"Sir," One of the techs tentatively drew his attention. "I think you should know that the programme running is one of Professor Hojo's modified series."

"What?" Kunsel snapped around to look at him, his eyes narrowing into irate blue slits. "And you're telling me this now!?"

"Sorry, Sir."

"Never mind. You're sure that you can't get the door open?"

"It would take time to get around the privacy settings, and even then, being one of the Professor's programmes it won't stop running even if we did."

"That's fine. Make a door."

The techs nodded in unison, "Sir" and started typing.

Kunsel turned away from them to watch the battle unfolding on the other side of the safety glass. Whoever was in there was going to catch it when he got his hands on them. Not just for pulling him into this situation, but for using Zack's codes too.

He felt cold in the pit of his stomach, the feeling accentuated by a glimpse of blonde hair around the side of the behemoth's shoulder. He knew Zack's codes, and so did Luxiere. Though, there was no way. His friend was way too cautious to pull something like this. Lux was a naughty boy when he wanted to be, but this was just plain crazy. He was not out of control by any stretch of the imagination. Eating your words tasted particularly bitter. He couldn't help this thought, nor the almost anguished cry he let out seeing the behemoth raise its claws and swipe away a ragged hail of masonry from the building in front of it, sending its tiny enemy out to the side in an agile roll to his feet, and full view of the men in the control room.

A cheer went up among the gathered SOLDIERs and infantry, Luxiere unable to see or hear them as he moved again, out of the behemoth's reach into a series of cartwheels and flips to stand away from it and regroup for an attack.

Kunsel stepped closer the window, fearful that he might begin hyperventilating. 'Luxiere?' it looked like him for sure, but different somehow; messy hair slicked back away from his face, armed with that gorgeous crystal sword, and radiating a sort of angry... something. Kunsel shook his head hard. What the hell was wrong with Luxiere?! He knew better than to pull something like this! Taking on one of Hojo's enhanced programmes, he was going to get himself killed! Until he could get in there, he couldn't do a thing about it!

* * *

It was coming after him, he could hear the crash of its clawed feet on the cobblestones. Luxiere flipped backwards, walking over and over to land squarely on his feet and duck low, missing the passage of the monster's claws coming in where his head had been a split second ago. He moved, throwing himself forward in a low run, picking up speed as he straightened and sprinted across the square.

This was a foolish thing to have done. Heading into a training session, unsupervised, and unsanctioned, and running a programme designed to test SOLDIERs to their limits, locking himself in using a missing First's personal code. He was breaking every rule in the book and very likely going to end up dead. If he lived, then he was almost certainly going to jail or to a full dishonourable discharge resulting in his being followed and spied on by the Company for the rest of his life. How the hell was he supposed to get out of this one now that he had put himself into it?

That behemoth was ten times stronger than it ought to have been, ripping into a building like that without a mark on it to show for it. He had known that it would be, when he ran this programme. It was coming for him again, and he was running from it. That wouldn't work. He'd had some ideas about how to deal with it, but they were all so risky!

He took a breath. He was doing it again, slipping back into that same old routine of second guesses like always. If he did that, then it would be curtains for sure. He was killing himself here, if he wasn't careful, then literally!

The behemoth was right behind him, swinging around with a hefty claw swipe only to continue spinning and bring its tail around with all the force of a whip crack. It hit him, catapulting him back into the broken building to crash down among the dislodged chunks of masonry.

He landed on his side, gasping deep breaths against the excruciating pain. Damn! If he hadn't been through the SOLDIER process... It was coming at him again, thundering towards him, roaring deep in its throat. It was lowering its head...

Luxiere blinked back tears of pain and concentrated hard on the materia in his armlet. The healing spell was taking effect, but not fast enough. He forced himself to his feet, and threw himself into a roll out of the monster's way as it crashed against the building, scoring two deep gashes up the stone side with its horns. Luxiere stumbled to his feet and forward in a limping run. His injuries were not serious, despite their cause. His body could handle blunt force trauma. So long as it didn't happen too often, and he didn't get impaled, he'd be fine to keep going. Now that he had locked himself into this fight, he couldn't afford to give up. There was no giving up on this one.

His spell took away the pain, repairing the bruising and returning his lost wind to him as he reached the far end of the square, and spun on one foot to face the oncoming beast. No going back. He took Adrianna in two hands, and back weighted his stance. He couldn't afford to let self-doubt take over, couldn't afford to be the person he had been in this room yesterday as he had faced down that blue dragon.

The behemoth lowered its head, its stationary target shifting a little in its path. Luxiere took a deep breath, and exhaled calmly. He couldn't let the same thing happen today.

The tannoy system hidden in the ceiling under the digital information making up the Midgar street crackled. Kunsel's voice echoed around him,

"Lux! Get out of there now!"

He shut out his friend's voice, shaking his head. Kunsel was watching this, huh? He couldn't let himself get distracted. He had to stay focussed. The monster was almost on him, the tips of its horns throwing up small sparks as they scraped the cobbles, ready to tear up and through him. He had to embrace his dreams – prove himself capable, and be the person he really was.

He ran, lowering his own head and speeding up into a full on sprint. Somewhere in the background noise of his whirring mind he was aware of Kunsel shouting his name over the microphone, of the horror filling his friend's terrified voice. It barely registered. He saw what to do, felt his survival instincts kick in and show him what he needed to do. It was risky. His stomach baulked at the very idea. He swallowed, closed his eyes and filled his head with thoughts of a steel bucket, flying at speed through a gigantic plate window, of the crash, and the splintering glass. His eyes snapped open. He swung Adrianna up, over his shoulder to her place at his back, and outstretched his arms.

The behemoth's head came up, horns slicing up through the air with all the force of its muscular neck behind them. Luxiere jumped, turning a forwards somersault. His palms closed around the tapered ends as they lifted into his hands, pushing him up with them. He steeled himself, body rigid as he effectively held himself in a handstand atop the beast's horns. Then he let go, supple through his back as the behemoth's own force threw him backwards over its head. Luxiere began to somersault again, reaching over his shoulder and drawing Adrianna to take her in one hand and turn in mid air that he flew backwards. As he passed over the monster's back he flipped one last time, swinging his sword over his head to thrust the razor tip down, right into the dip between the behemoth's kidneys, into the back of its pelvis.

Its screech was deafening, the force of Luxiere's strike into a soft and vulnerable area sent it stumbling. He planted his feet and pulled his sword free, leaping into the air and away from the behemoth as it fell to the side and rolled.

He landed on the cobbles a little way away and readied himself for the next attack. The behemoth struggled to its feet, its back end sluggish in its turn to face Luxiere. It snorted, shaking its head and baring its teeth. Roaring, it raged towards him, leaping into the air and landing with a crash and a spin to swipe him with its tail. He was already moving as it landed, rolling between its feet on impact to draw his sword back and thrust it up into the monster's chest.

It howled in pain, and fell to its belly in an attempt to crush Luxiere underneath it. He was already gone, ducking around the side of it to hop backwards a few steps and raise his sword over his head.

Its claws came round, swiping for his belly only to miss as he leapt, drawing his sword back over his shoulder and utilised his new materia. A wave of ice crashed against the behemoth's side, sharp splinters ripping a large wound across its ribs.

Irate, the monster struggled to its feet, and lowered its head, eyes beginning to glow.

* * *

"What the hell is going on in here?"

Kunsel looked round from the observation window, his eyes wide, paling further to see Captain Fenrick walking towards him, fists clenched at his sides, "Captain, Sir!"

Fenrick halted beside him, peering through the window with narrowed eyes. "Who's in there?"

"Sir. It's Luxiere, Sir."

"Luxiere?" A flicker of worry split his expression briefly, but the man hid it well. "What's he doing? He knows Seconds aren't permitted unsupervised training."

"That's the least of his worries right now, Sir." Kunsel shook his head hard, fear for his friend getting the better of him. "He's locked us out and he's facing one of Hojo's programmes!"

"What?" Fenrick stepped closer to the window, frowning at the scene playing out on the other side. It _was_ Luxiere in there, his hair slicked back out of his eyes, and wielding a very fine sword, but Luxiere nonetheless. He looked different, had an expression on his face a million miles away from the cautious fear normally plastered there in training sessions. He was concentrating, currently bounding up into the air and directing a vicious swipe of a blizzaga blade at the behemoth he faced. The force of his strike was enough to knock it back. Different, but that couldn't be any ordinary monster if this was one of Hojo's programmes. Fenrick took out his phone and flipped it open, connecting it to the training room's mainframe. The menu screen flicked up, he scrolled through and hit mission abort.

The screen flashed red. "What?"

'ACCESS DENIED'

Fenrick tried again, getting the same message. "What is this?"

"He's using Zack's codes."

"Zack was a higher rank than me. I don't have clearance to override them." He glanced up at Luxiere through the window. "He knows that."

"What's wrong with him?" Kunsel demanded, slamming his fist against the wall beside the window. "He's going to get himself killed!"

* * *

Its eyes were glowing. Luxiere landed on his feet and drew his sword back, ready for its charge. The behemoth did not move forwards. It lowered its head and snarled deep in its throat, claws digging into the cobbles at its feet. With a booming roar it threw its head back, stones below it cracking. The windows set into the building shattered, cracks spidering their way across the ground under Luxiere's feet. He stepped back, drawing a confused breath. Rushing sounds above drew him to look up, his eyes widening momentarily at the sight which met them.

Meteorites, hundreds of them hurtling towards the street, and him. He moved, no time to weigh up the pros and cons of what his heart was telling him to do, and obeyed it. He streaked across the square, leaping against the building to hit it feet first, still running to sprint along horizontally.

He looked up, the first meteorite crashing into the building behind him, tearing the wall away at his heels. Another hit the street nearby, throwing the cobbles and steel underneath up in a hail of shards and stones. The next was coming straight for him. He took Adrianna in one hand and leapt, pushing off the crumbling building at his feet and up, landing briefly atop the plummeting meteorite. He gathered himself and jumped again, onto the next, and again to the next. He threw himself from that one, twisting sharply to avoid the next and land on the one after that. They were coming thicker and faster the higher he went, his feet getting hotter and hotter. He ran, hopping, leaping, twisting and jumping through the burning hail, hitting the last and leaping with all his might, up and out of the meteor storm into the clear night air.

He looked down, taking a breath in wonder. He was so high up, he had never been so high. The simulated air was chill, raising goosebumps on his bare arms. Far below, he could see the behemoth looking up at him, its teeth glinting in the twisted remains of the street lighting among the fallen meteorites.

He should have been afraid. He couldn't continue flying the way he was. What went up had to come down. He felt... amazing. Adrenaline coursed through his system, his grip tightened on Adrianna's hilt. He reached the peak of his jump, and turned head over heels. He began to fall, swinging his sword back that it trailed behind him as he plunged towards the ground.

Below him the behemoth roared, its eyes beginning to glow once again. That same rushing sound began above him. Luxiere lowered his head, every inch of him knowing what he had to do. It was beginning already. He concentrated on the ice materia slotted into Adrianna, his body feeling cold as the blizzaga spell took effect. The hairs on his arms began to rise, goosebumps growing worse as a shiver ran through him. The spell hit its target, shards of razor sharp and glassy ice materialising out of the air and disintegrating in a fine powder that shone and shimmered in the moonlight.

Luxiere snatched a deep breath, the force of his spell causing him to react as though the wind had been knocked out of him. He should have been broken and bleeding, hit by razor slivers of ice, but as they touched his skin they vanished, leaving no pain, no blood. He breathed another deep breath, the blood in his veins running cold. His skin began to glow with white energy. He focused, channelling it all out of himself, down into his arms and into Adrianna.

The crystal of her blade began to glow with that same energy, leaving a wake of white light behind her as Luxiere fell.

He knew what to do, felt incredible, as though he could take on the world and win with energy to spare. His body buzzed, enough magical energy remaining inside him to pull down into his left hand and turn into a blizzard spell.

The behemoth reared up on its hind legs, throwing its head back as though to catch the falling SOLDIER in its teeth and swallow him. Its meteorites caught up with Luxiere, crashing past him into the already battered and smashed square below.

Luxiere swung to the side, avoiding the meteorites as they plunged past him, shattering the ground around the monster below. The behemoth roared, the sound echoing in his ears. He swung Adrianna back as far as she would go, letting out a yell as he brought her round, throwing his blizzard spell, releasing her, and the energy stored in her blade in a wide arc that flew towards the beast, shining through the air in a curve, straight for the behemoth's head.

The monster snapped at the spell, ducking its head away at the cold pang in its teeth. The following energy connected with a bright flash, sending out a shock wave that toppled the last of the buildings on the square.

The men in the control room threw their arms over their eyes, blinded by the light and deafened by the crash.

Kunsel hesitated, raising his head to see the flash die away. Luxiere landed on his feet near where the behemoth lay lifeless, amid the last crash of the meteorites and a soft fall of snow that drifted down in feathery flakes to settle around his feet.

Luxiere looked up, lifting his hand to catch Adrianna as she fell, and swing her in front of himself to rest at his side.

Captain Fenrick's phone beeped, a message flickering up reading 'SESSION TERMINATED'.

On the other side of the glass, the broken Midgar Square began to fall away, the programme run its course and reaching its end. The Captain closed his phone and put it away, turning on his heel and making for the door to the training area.

Luxiere was making his way towards it from the other side, his sword still in his hand. He was surprised when it opened ahead of him, even more so at the roar of cheers and whoops from the gathered crowds of men on the other side. He paled however, to see Captain Fenrick standing in the doorway with Second Lieutenant Kyle a little way behind him, his arms folded over his chest, a stern frown on his face. Luxiere halted in front of him, and lowered his eyes to the floor. "Sir, I can explain."

Fenrick tossed his head, holding up a hand to silence his trainee. "Well done."

Luxiere looked up at him, shocked. "Sir?"

The Captain shook his head, giving a small smile. "That was incredible. I hadn't been expecting to see anything of that calibre here."

"Sir." Luxiere paused, uncertain. "I'm not sure that I understand."

"That was exceptional. It's good to see you finally use what you are capable of."

Serious? Luxiere nodded. "Glad you're pleased, Sir."

"You too, huh? It looked as though you were enjoying yourself up there." He pointed up at the ceiling, a slight grin hiding at the corner of his mouth.

Luxiere hid his own grin, recalling exactly how fun it had been, climbing into the sky through a falling meteorite shower, how wonderful it felt realising that he could do it. "Maybe a little."

"Well, good." Fenrick did smile openly then, and clapped Luxiere fondly on the shoulder. "Good work. I'll see you on Thursday for your official briefing."

Luxiere started. "Sir?"

Fenrick flicked an eyebrow. "They'll have your new uniform ready by then."

Luxiere's mouth fell open, unsure quite what he should say to that. "... Thank you, Sir." He swung Adrianna up to rest at his back, and smiled. "I won't let you down."

"No. I don't think you will."

The Captain turned to leave, his exit from the doorway allowing Kunsel to rush into the training area. The ginger SOLDIER snatched Luxiere up in a hug so tight that his friend gasped, unable to breathe.

"Lux! I am so glad you're okay!" Aware that he was choking his friend, Kunsel released him, and raised a fist as though to punch him. "Don't you ever do something so damn stupid again, y'understand me?!"

Luxiere nodded. "Perfectly."

"Good."

About to speak, Luxiere found himself cut off by Fenrick's call back to him from among the assembled SOLDIERs in the control room:

"Oh, and Luxiere. Tier Two punishment for participating in an unsanctioned and unsupervised training session. Two days. See you Thursday."


End file.
